Big. Fat. Donuts.

I should know better. No girl who struggles with her weight should even think about going to a place called "Gourdough's." Add a tagline like "Big. Fat. Donuts." and it shouldn't even be on my radar. But I went anyway this weekend. Twice.

As is very popular in Austin, Gourdough's is housed in a cute little airstream trailer. Its South Lamar location makes it the perfect place for an after-movie or late-night snack. And what a fun night the creators must have had when they got together to decide on the menu! "Naughty & Nice," "Blue Balls" (seen here) and "Margaritaville" all grace the menu.

I must say, the donuts are really good! They come out to the table at just the perfect temperature, absolutely piled high with great toppings. They do not skimp.

And they do not care about the size of my butt.

Good Start

I haven't stepped on a scale in about a month. I know without even looking that I gained my six pounds from Jenny Craig back. I can feel it in my jeans. I was thinking about it this morning, and I'm guessing I've lost the same 20 pounds four times now. I know that's not healthy. And I know all I can do is keep trying and going from this very moment.

My goal is simple right now: To eat better and less. And to track it all.

Breakfast: cereal: 100 calories
1/2 cup fat-free milk: 40 calories
banana: 80 calories
(220 calories)

Lunch: Healthy Choice pasta lunch: 340 calories
crunchy bread sticks (90 calories)
(430 calories)

And then I worked a 13-hour day and ordered pizza for dinner. Dadgumit.

Lost

Why is this an issue for me? Why do I have to obsess and worry and fret? I know all the rules and tips and tricks, why can't I just use them?

I'm kinda at the point of not knowing what to do, just kinda lost. I mean, I know what to do: Eat less, eat better, move more. But I'm missing something somewhere. There's a disconnect between the knowing and doing. How do I bring it together? How do I get some momentum toward healthier?

Here's what I'm gonna try today: Just tracking calories. Good, bad or ugly, I'll be putting them here. I think that's part of the issue for me: accountability. Working from home, I'm afraid I'm taking on this "the calories don't count if no one sees me eat them" attitude. Maybe the simple act of tracking -- of showing the world what's going into my mouth and onto my hips -- will make a difference. Here we go!

Breakfast: Sugar-free cappuccino: 50 calories
cereal: 150 calories
1/2 cup fat-free milk: 40 calories
banana: 80 calories
(total: 320 calories)

Lunch: tuna and crackers: 210 calories
steamed veggies and butter: 150 calories
(total: 360 calories)

Afternoon snack: 1/4 cup peanut butter M&Ms: 230 calories
(total: 230 calories)

Dinner: grilled cheese sandwich: 400 calories
vegetable soup: 70 calories
Hostess snack cakes: 100 calories
(total: 570 calories)

Total for the day: 1480 calories. That seemed much easier that it normally is for me. Maybe the trick for me is the tracking, the accountability, the honestly with myself. And maybe I'll count calories again tomorrow.