Feeling Better

I ended yesterday feeling defeated, like all my weight-loss efforts were for nothing, like I was starting all over from the very beginning 40 pounds ago.

But today I feel better. I've learned my lesson. I know it's my call to move forward. And I hesitantly stepped on the scale this morning, not expecting a loss (quite the opposite), but simply wanting to put a number in my head to give myself a jumping-off point for moving forward.

It's okay. I'm not beating myself up or feeling guilt today. But I hate it, I hate all the pounds that I've let slide back on since mid-November. But I embrace them as a lesson learned. And I promise to kick their butts very soon!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

If I can just get through the next three days, I can get back on track. When I've been watching what I eat lately, it's simply been me watching food go into my mouth. I want to change that after Wednesday (Christmas is about to be three days long for us). I want to get back on track. I want to have control. I want to count points like a pro.

But it certainly won't happen this week. And I'm going to have to be okay with that...

Focus

Today, I will focus. Today, I will play the numbers game and work the points in the way I should. I will drink plenty of water. I will walk the dogs an extra block. I will eat some fresh fruits and veggies.

I haven't weighed in over a week. Not on my scale at home, not at a meeting. (I missed Saturday's meeting since we were in Nashville, and I didn't bother to find one there.) After I make myself behave today, perhaps I'll weigh tomorrow and see where I am...

Breakfast: oatmeal: 2 points

Mid-morning snack: banana: 2 points

Lunch: chicken nuggets: 6 points

Afternoon snack: dried cranberries and peanuts: 3 points

Dinner: sausage: 5 points
sweet potato: 2 points
saltines: 1 point

TOTAL points: 21 points

Nibbling My Way Through the Holidays

This time of year is so busy, which makes it so easy to just let go and forget the rules of healthy eating.

Lots of running around, so we're grabbing food on the go. It's cold out, so we grab sweet, fancy coffee for the ride. Other errands to run, so going to the grocery store gets put off and put off and put off. And since we're on the go, planning and preparing is a lost art.

But with one week to go until Christmas, I'm going to try to get a grip. I'd like to plan out the rest of the week and stick to that plan. I'd like to not lose any more control. I'd like to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I'm getting there...

There's No Place Like Home

Home from Nashville. Pictures to come.

Turbulence

I don't like to fly. Well, scratch that. I do fine up in the air. It's the thought of flying that I really don't like. But I've come up with a little system that helps me get into the air without having to self-medicate or curl up into the fetal position, crying on the floor:

• Step 1: The rabbit is always in-hand.
• Step 2: I step on the airplane with my left foot, touching the plane with my right hand as I step in.
  
• Step 3: I pick a seat on the right side of the plane somewhere between aisles 11 and 15.
• Step 4: I listen for the landing gear to come up. I feel some comfort knowing that the pilot doesn't think we're going to need it anytime soon.
• Step 5: The "ding" when a flight attendant tells everyone we can now feel free to use electronic devices such as laptops, iPods, DVD players, etc.
• Step 6: The flight attendants actually get up and take drink orders.

When all of this happens in a timely manner, I feel fine and finally settle down.

Unless it gets bumpy. Last night's flight from Austin to Nashville was good for the most part. Before we even left the ground, the captain told us there would be some bumps as we headed up because of the clouds and rain. He told us. I was prepared. So it wasn't too bad when we hit said bumps and quickly got above the clouds into smooth sailing. Smooth sailing that is until we started our descent into Nashville. We were landing in the same weather we left: cold, rainy, wet, cloudy.

And we hit some bumps. I mean real bumps. Turbulence like I don't remember experiencing in several years. The kind that rocks you back and forth in your seat and knocks your elbows into the armrests on both sides. I gasped, prayed, clutched onto Cole's arm until the rockiness pulled him from my grasp. It felt like it lasted for about seven minutes.

And all this time, there was a little girl across the aisle from me, I mean little, maybe two years old tops, all throughout this turbulence she is giggling like she's on the tilt-a-whirl at the amusement park. Not just little giggles, but laughter. The pure laughter that must be one of the prettiest sounds on earth. Uninhibited, uncensored, joyous laughter. I'm on the verge of tears and she's having the time of her life.

The bumps stop. We hit smooth air. And it turns out it wasn't seven minutes, but probably just 12 seconds. I open my eyes again, and the little girl across the aisle -- binky still in her mouth -- is yelling: "Do it again! Do it again!!!"

Black Pants: How Hard Can It Be?!?!

So, the Hammock Christmas party is this week. We always have such a good time. Good food, good conversation, good music... And it's my one night of the year to get dressed up. Really dressed up. I'm not talking pearls and sequins, but I am talking fun shoes and lipstick.

I've had my "party shirt" in-hand since October. I have some cute black snake-skin heels (I hope it doesn't snow or something crazy). But I didn't have the right pants.

Sure, you'd think simple black dress pants would work, but no. I had something in mind. Something very specific in mind. Skinny-fit, cropped, black dress pants. That doesn't sound so hard, does it??? I hit no less than eight stores in the 29 miles between Cedar Park and Southwest Austin over the span of two days looking for such a creature. And I didn't just look, I asked. Sometimes I asked two different people in one store just to make sure the first one wasn't just being lazy and rude by telling me they didn't have anything like that. Dillard's, no. Macy's, no. WhiteHouse|BlackMarket, no. bebe, no. Gap, no. Express, no. Cache, YES!!!

I walked in the door of the small store in the mall and was immediately drawn to the displays on the right-hand side of the store. Inexplicably, I walked about 10 feet into the store and went to a rack just behind a table full of folded t-shirts and silver jeans. Yep, silver. It was like a magnet, like all the shopping powers that be lifted me from the ground and dropped me directly at the rack where my pants were hanging. There they were. They were perfect. They were the ones. The ones that somehow no other store in the county had in stock. Now, what size???

I kept myself from even considering the 12, grabbed the 10 to try on, and decided to take the 8 back there just for fun. To my surprise and pure joy, the 8 fit. I bought an 8 in a pair of Gap "curvy" jeans recently, but I really thought that was just a fluke, a wrong label, a company trying to make me feel better about my body. But when this 8 fit too, I was feeling quite proud of myself. I didn't buy it though. I went for the 10.

What if they shrink just a bit??? What if I put on two pounds worth of hips and chocolate before Thursday night when I need to wear them??? What if their magic mirrors made the 8 look good, but my mirrors at home wouldn't provide the same support??? I went for the 10.

The party outfit is now complete.

After the Weekend

Just some quick catching up...

Total steps on Saturday: 11,716.
Total steps on Sunday: 10,108.
Total loss when I weighed: Well, there wasn't a loss. There was a gain of 0.8. I really am the worst Weight Watchers member ever. That's 3 pounds in the wrong direction since the first week of November. I'm not surprised. I'm not going to Pam and telling her that I don't understand and I don't know what's going on. I do. I get it. I've given myself permission way too often lately to skip counting points on weekends, to have an extra cookie, to have one more bite. Then one more. I've talked to myself too much about getting back on track "tomorrow." Which then becomes then next day. A few tomorrows turn into a week, a couple of weeks turn into a month, and there you go. Three pounds.

I thought that just getting through the holidays without a significant gain would be okay with me. But I'm not happy with what I've let happen. I have let myself slip and relax, and it turned into a gain. I recognize that all this isn't happening to me; I'm allowing it to happen. And that's quite enough.

Cole and I are headed to Nashville later in the week for Hammock's annual Christmas party which is always a blast. Traveling is always a challenge. I need to come up with a good plan...

Today's numbers:

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: banana: 2 points
oatmeal-chocolate cookie: 2 points

Lunch: English muffin pizzas: 4 points
apple: 1 point
two chocolate bites: 4 points

Afternoon snack: dried cranberries and peanuts: 3 points

Dinner: grilled chicken: 4 points
green beans: 0 points
artichoke hearts: 1 point
chocolate/cherry bites: 2 points

TOTAL points: 26 points
TOTAL steps: 10,776. That's three days in a row of 10,000+. At least I'm doing something right...

Friday Food Journal

I have not been a very good Weight Watchers member this week. Sure, I have all the information in my head, I've been tracking points and watching the number on my pedometer. I've been drinking plenty of water. But I haven't been telling myself "no". What is it about this holiday business that makes us think we just coast for a month or so???

Tomorrow morning I will step on the scale. I will brave the number if nothing else but to give myself a jumping off point from right that very point, right that very moment.

Breakfast: cereal and soymilk: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: yogurt smoothie: 1 point

Lunch: sushi: 6 points
snack cakes: 1 point

Afternoon snack: dried bananas: 3 points

Dinner: spaghetti: 7 points
garlic bread: 4 points

TOTAL points: 25
TOTAL steps: 8,337

Thursday Food Journal

Another not-great day...

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: strawberry bar: 3 points

Lunch: half a spinach wrap: 5 points
chips: 2 points

Afternoon snack: pretzel: 6 points

Dinner: baked potato: 6 points
broccoli: 0 points
grilled chicken: 3 points
bread: 4 points
tiny beer: 2 points

TOTAL points: 34 points.
TOTAL steps: 9,206

Wednesday Food Journal

Nothing to see here. Just me keeping my promise to myself to put it all out there this week...

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Midmorning snack: yogurt smoothie: 1 point
mint/chocolate truffle: 1 point

Lunch: burger: 10 points
fries: 6 points

Afternoon snack: caramel popcorn: 4 points

Dinner: chicken lasagna: 6 points
salad: 2 points
brownie: 3 points

TOTAL points: 36. Yuck. I'm the worst. Worst ever.
TOTAL steps: 7,158. Terrible.

Tuesday

The pedometer is back on today. Last week when I posted a link to the story about how folks who wear a pedometer walk an average of a mile more per day than those who don't, I walked 9,011 steps that same day. I was inspired and ready to keep track, then the battery died. I replaced it last night and am good to go and go and go this week...

Thunder will like that. Because at the end of the day when I'm short of 10,000 steps, he'll be the one to volunteer for another spin or two around the block while T.J. stays curled up under a warm blanket and Bugsy hangs out with Cole.

Today's food log:

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: 1/3 cup dried cranberries: 2 points

Lunch: chicken and pasta: 6 points
apple: 1 point
snack cakes: 1 point

Afternoon snack: 20 peanuts: 2 points

Dinner: fajita stack: 6 points

TOTAL: 21 points.

Steps: 8,738

Monday, a New Day

A new week, a new day, a new attitude. And I feel like I've had total control today. I planned out my whole day in points while I was eating breakfast this morning, and I stuck to that plan. And, there's a new battery in my pedometer ready to hit the pavement tomorrow.

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: banana: 2 points

Lunch: Smart Ones turkey meal: 4 points
7 reduced-fat Triscuits: 2 points
fresh tomato: 0 points
snack cakes: 1 point

Afternoon snack: butternut squash: 1 point

Dinner: sausage: 6 points
apple: 1 point

TOTAL: 20 points on the dot!!!

Ready for Monday

Usually about this time on a Sunday evening, I'm a little sad that Monday is so close. I dread going to bed knowing that when I open my eyes, the weekend will be over and we'll be heading back into the routine of the workweek. (Note: I love my job!!!)

But this week I'm ready for Monday. I need a clean start, a new day, a new attitude. I need to forgive myself for the way I've eaten and allowed myself to slip over the last two weeks. And yes, I did allow myself. I gave myself permission to indulge, too many times. And now I'm regretting it. But a gain of two pounds, a night of being ill and having to skip the scale Saturday out of sheer fear has finally caught up with me. I can't and won't let it happen again.

This week I will:

• Track and blog my points every day, no matter how ugly the number is.
• Get a new battery for my pedometer and shoot for 10,000 steps each day.
• Cook dinner at home instead of just phoning dinner in and hitting the drive-thru.