Emotional Eating

For almost the last two weeks, I've been the walking and talking definition of "emotional eating." That's normally not me. I'm a clock eater: I eat at 9am, noon, 3pm and as close to 6pm as possible. But when Daddy was hospitalized and then put on life support, I had to force myself to eat just to fuel my body enough to travel to see him. When he passed away and we buried him, I again had to force myself to eat just to keep from being dehydrated from all the tears.

Since then, I've been eating everything in sight. I'm sad. And I'm a bit scared and worried, but I really don't know what I'm scared of. And although I know peanut butter cups don't really help with any of that, for some reason in some tiny way, they kinda do.

My dad was an incredible character. I have his eyes and dimples and broad shoulders. He taught me to catch a fish, shoot a gun, unclog a toilet and drive. He was proud of my education and my work, and he hung my photographs proudly throughout his home. He had an amazing laugh that I hope my memory will always allow me to hold on to.

It still feels very unreal to me that he's gone.

I hope I can pull a lesson or two out of all of this: Eat for fuel and health. Cry when I need to. Take more pictures. Laugh. Remember the good. Do something beautiful and full of life every day. Love.

Now a Treasured Photograph

I got a difficult call from my dad while I was out running errands during lunch today. His dad, my grandfather, had passed away just minutes before.

I hadn't had much of a relationship with that set of grandparents for about the last 15 years, but Daddy had been able to start to repair and rebuild his relationship with them over the last few. I remember several times when he would go out to their farm to help B.J., my grandfather, trim branches from trees or feed cattle or just sit down and visit with them over lunch. What had been a strained and silent relationship between them was mending. So when Daddy asked me to join him to visit them during Christmas 2008, I was nervous to do so after so many years, but excited at the same time.

Our visit was pleasant and friendly, no hint of regret or anger, and I was glad to be able to visit with both of my dad's parents after so many years. I took this picture of Daddy and B.J. that day. That was the last time I saw him. He was 85 years old.

There Are Cookies in the Kitchen

Normally I bake cookies for my dad's birthday. I wrap them up nicely with some other gift that I hope he'll love, make him a card like I did in kindergarten, and send a little care package his way. This year, I just didn't make the time to bake, but I still wanted him to get his birthday cookies. So I turned to the fine folks at Kevin's Cookies for help. When I told Cole my plan, he encouraged me to get some for the house. Who am I to say no to Kevin or Cole?!?!

I had one after lunch. Peanut butter to be exact. Beautifully round, crisp on the outside, perfectly soft on the inside. I would even bet it was baked fresh this morning.

There are more than a dozen still in the kitchen -- chocolate chip, double chocolate, white chocolate with macadamia nuts -- in the simple white box on the counter next to the fridge. I want to eat 10 more, but I don't. And won't.

I know I'm having a great week so far. My breakfast shift is proving positive, even after just two days.

I hope Daddy likes them.

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Lunch: chicken/tomato pasta salad: 5 points
peanut butter cookie: 3 points

Afternoon snack: apple parfait: 2 points

Dinner: whole wheat spaghetti: 4 points
marinara: 1 points
garlic bread: 3 points
Brussels sprouts: 0 points

TOTAL: 21 points.

Being Sick Is No Fun

It all started when the cold front blew in last week and I woke up Thursday morning with a scratchy throat. No big deal, it got a little better as they day wore on. Mind over matter.

Then I woke up Friday morning feeling like I'd lost a boxing match. Stuffed up head, clogged ears, runny nose, sinus pressure. Cedar fever had struck, and struck me hard. Don't tell anyone, but I worked part of Friday in my pajamas, and as soon as 5 p.m. rolled around, I moved myself to the couch and slept until almost 8. Then I snacked on some cheese and crackers and went to bed.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling much better, but still didn't let my box of kleenex get too far out of sight. I weighed in and went to my meeting (2.2 pounds gone, by the way), and then Cole and I got out to see a movie. (Juno, very fun.) I'm finally making a dent in my holiday weight, and can get back to the business of losing without backtracking within about two weeks probably. I even felt good enough to run Saturday evening, though my nose really didn't appreciate the cold air.

Sunday was the "Fourth Annual Huggins-Fowler-Bailey-Saucedo After-Christmas Birthday Bash," and I was very glad to feel good enough to enjoy the day. But Ron and Erin had to miss out because Ron has been sick. We missed them. I truly consider it a blessing that our families get along so well that we actually all look forward to spending time together.

Today, I woke up again feeling a bit better. I think all the cedar has settled in my nose now, and hopefully it will make its complete exit in the next couple of days.

My day in points:

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: yogurt and granola: 4 points

Lunch: stew: 4 points
saltines: 1 point
snack cakes: 1 point

Afternoon snack: apple: 1 point
cheese: 1 point

Dinner: grilled chicken: 4 points
crinkle fries: 4 points
(Terrible, I know, but the thought of green beans just wasn't doing it for me.)

TOTAL: 23 points

How Can It Be Friday???

This week has just flown by. Having Stacey here has meant lots of running around and eating on the go. Plus, I had to do some very deliberate and scientific research on cupcakes. BUT, we did get a little more than three miles of walking/ jogging/walking with Thunder on the Hike and Bike Trail in yesterday. That probably burned off a quarter of the cupcake.

This evening we have tickets to see Tuna Does Vegas at the Paramount Theatre. The Tuna shows are fabulous, and if you live in Texas, you know these people!!! hehe

I'm not really excited about weighing in tomorrow morning, but we'll see how it goes.

Meat Overload

I normally don't have 12 different cuts of meat at dinner, but we were celebrating a special occasion: Dannie's birthday (with Mom in photo).

So this evening we tried the new Estancia Churrascaria in South Austin. We had originally talked about making the trip to Houston to eat at the real meat-o-rama, Fogo de Chao, but we decided that sticking close to home would be best. (They'll be opening a Fogo here in Austin by the end of the year, by the way.)

Here's my quick review of Estancia Churrascaria if you're considering going. I can't help but compare it to Fogo: The salad bar was small, but everything was very fresh and colorful. The rolls were amazing. They were these soft little puffs of cheesy bread that didn't even need to be chewed. Their warmth melted in my mouth, and I could have eaten about 20 of them. The sides were fine, nothing too exciting, but the garlic mashed potatoes, plantains and fried yucca were all decent. It was my first time ever eating yucca. I'd describe it as a chewier, dense French fry.

Now the meat. I didn't really eat all 12 cuts of meat that the place has to offer, but I would definitely call two my faves: the bacon-wrapped chicken breast and the pork ribs. Both, delicious. The chicken was tender and cooked to perfection. The taste was flavorful but mild. The rib meat fell from the bone with ease and there was a perfect amount of salt and spice.

The major drawback of the restaurant: It was entirely too crowded. They could take out about half of the tables and patrons would be much more comfortable. The back of Cole's chair was getting hit every time a waiter went to serve the table behind us.

Overall, it was a good dinner. Followed by cake at our house with Mom, Dannie, Randy, Dee Dee, Cole and me. We're truly blessed that our families get along so well. It sure makes for a nice Saturday evening...

6:55 a.m.: The Phone Rings

Bless Mom's heart. As if we/she didn't have enough going on this week, she went out to get into the car this morning and head to work, and she had a flat tire. This is the same tire that has been losing air ever since they got the new set just a few months ago. The same one that was supposedly patched by the place where they purchased said set.

Dannie was already at work by the time she headed to the driveway to get in the car, so she called me to take her downtown. No problem at all. The dogs are probably upset though; they didn't get their morning walk.

Mom and I talked about her calling the place (it was Costco) where they bought the tires to see what they had to say for themselves and what they might offer to do. But after we talked about it for a minute or two, we decided Dannie should be the one to make that call. Dannie is a kind, gentle and sweet person, but when he suggests that you do something, it gets done. He just has this way about him...

And on a somewhat food-related note: I think I'm about to quick Diet Dr Pepper. It's tearing my stomach up. It's a sad, sad day, and I know they'll notice it in their sales starting immediately. But I'm going to slowly make the transition. Cut back to one a day, then maybe one of the tiny ones a day. Then nothing. Nada. No more dark diet colas for me...

"You Will Be a Great Philanthropist in Your Later Years"

I miss Cole.

I spent the day doing Cole-is-out-of-town things: haircut, lunch with Mom and Dannie, Costco, scrapbooking...

We had lunch at Pei Wei. Mom and I split the honey-seared chicken with brown rice. It was all very good and fresh. Dannie had a beautiful Asian chopped salad and a bowl of soup. My fortune cookie said I'd be quite a philanthropist one day. Makes me wanna give me now. Cole and I recently talked about making a monthly gift to a local animal shelter. Maybe today's fortune cookie means it's time for me to do just that.

I did great on points again today. My haircut is very cute. It was great to spend time today with Mom and Dannie after the last 48 hours, and I'm very glad Cole will be home tomorrow.

I miss him.

Plant Food for Thought

Grandad passed away Dec. 2, 1999. He was a proud military man with 27 years in the Navy. Some in our family and on his medical team at the time even felt that his military years might have led to his declining health. He served our country as a lieutenant in the Navy, working as nuclear-weapons tester, inspector and instructor.

Much of his military experience was classified most of my life, just to be declassified a couple of months before his death. I vividly remember how he spoke of the colors in a nuclear cloud. Colors that we don't see every day. Colors not found in a box of crayons.

I remember going to Gran-gran and Grandad's house for Sunday lunch during weekends home from college. He was always the first one finished at lunch and could be found lounging on the couch, cursing at the refs during the afternoon's football game. After packing my car to hit the highway again, I would go into the den to kiss him on the forehead and squeeze his hand. I normally stood up with a $20 bill between my fingers that he had been holding onto just to slip to me for my drive back to school.

For years before his death, he struggled with respiratory problems and aggravations, and I believe that respiratory failure is listed on his death certificate. He spent several days in the ICU before passing, even coming out of it long enough to be moved to a regular hospital room for a few days. He was up and alert, and I was lucky enough to be in the room with him for his last full-on, jovial conversation before his health slipped again. He was gone two days later.

His service and burial were nice. Friends and family from all around sent plants and flowers blooming with condolences. At the end of the service, I took a plant home. It's what I call a closet plant; I'm just not sure of the proper or scientific name for it. It's in our breakfast room.

This plant has grown and prospered and stayed green and healthy for the last seven-plus years. But it has only bloomed a few times: Once just before the 9/11 tragedy; then again just a week before we invaded Iraq; once a few days before Gran-gran was wrongly diagnosed with Alzheimer's; then just days before Cole and I were in a head-on wreck with a rock wall; once just before my cousin's baby (named after Grandad) was put in the hospital with dehydration and bowel problems.

And it bloomed again this week.

So, I beg of you this week... Wear your seatbelt, look both ways before you cross the street, chew your food well before swallowing, don't take candy from strangers, and slow down when chopping your vegetables for dinner.

Mac 'n Cheese

Family dinners when I was growing up were a huge production. Gran-gran is one of eight brothers and sisters, so it was always a packed house, no matters whose house we were dining at. With so many people to feed, we always filled the table potluck style. And the feast was never complete until my Great Aunt Dot placed her homemade macaroni and cheese in amongst the other great dishes.

It was a simple dish, but incredibly delicious. Nothing from a box could ever come close. She didn't have a written recipe for it, it was just something she threw together. It was unspoken, but I believe she understood that she would not be allowed to dine with us without bringing it.

Cole and I have recently discovered the mac 'n cheese at the Galaxy Cafe. It reminds me just a little of Dot's homemade version: fresh gooey cheese; big, perfectly cooked noodles; warm, not too hot to eat. Comforting somehow.

Dot passed away in a house fire a couple of years ago. But before she did, Mom took the time to go to her house and talk mac 'n cheese with her. We have her recipe written down now, and out of the ashes of her house, we were able to salvage the oversized floral pot with the brown lid that she always had in hand when she walked in the front door for a family meal.

I've yet to try her recipe. But until I perfect it the way she did, I'm glad Galaxy Cafe is just down the street.

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

Cole and I spent the evening celebrating Mom's birthday over dinner with her and Dannie. You never really have to twist our arms too hard before we agree to a meal at Threadgill's.

Our table was full of homecookin' favorites such as San Antonio squash, cornbread, chicken fried steak, fried okra, beer, iced tea, buttermilk pie... shall I go on??? Note: Not all of those things were in front of just one person.

We also spotted our first of Austin's 10-foot Guitar Town sculptures this evening, just outside of Threadgill's. This one was signed by Dwight Yoakum, one of Mom's favorites. I'm sure we'll find more as the next several weeks go by.

Happy Birthday, Mom!!! We hope it was a good one!!!