I Fear Going Back

Sometimes I forget that I've lost 40 pounds. My hand still automatically goes to the size 12s on the rack when I'm shopping, and I have to make a conscious, deliberate shift to a smaller size. I guess it's good that I don't look at the 14s any longer though. hehe

I have only 8ish pounds to go before reaching my goal, but sometimes when I have a day where the scale inches up a pound because I didn't drink enough water the day before or had a heavy dinner, I still worry that I'll turn around and the number will have rocketed back up to where I started. I'm determined to not let that happen though. I have set my red-flag weight afterall.

I did have a pretty cool "is that me?" moment last week though. I caught my reflection in the window at the restaurant where we were waiting to be seated, and I didn't recognize my own hips and thighs. In a good way!!! And I'm trying to remind myself of moments like that when I step on the scale and don't see the progress I want for that week: I have made big-picture progress.

I'm sure Cole just loves it when I squeal in a restaurant and say, "Honey, look at my thighs!!!"

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: banana: 2 points

Lunch: BBQ pita: 6 points
chips and salsa: 3 points
peanut butter cookie: 2 points

Afternoon snack: artichoke hearts: 1 point

Dinner: sushi rolls with Kellie: 6 points

TOTAL: 23 points.

Sleeping in the Bathroom Floor

Being sick, even for 20 minutes, just sucks. All the rich overindulgence during the last five days finally caught up with me last night. Actually, it was around 1 this morning. I woke up in a clammy sweat, then went to shaking cold, then sweating again within the span of about four minutes. I was afraid something horrible was coming, so I quietly wiggled out from between a warm little dog and two kitties and staggered into the bathroom.

Feeling like I was hanging out in a sauna, I stripped my pajamas off and laid on a pile of dirty towels in the floor to try to cool off. Awful. I hate feeling like that. I promised the food-karma police that I would eat better if I could just get through that moment, and I prayed to God that it wasn't my time to go. That's how awful I felt.

(Paragraph left out here to spare you the graphic details.)

After somehow getting my body temperature back to normal, I slithered back into my pretty blue pajamas and climbed back under the sheets. I don't think anyone ever knew I had been gone.

Getting back on track...

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: apple: 1 point
peanut butter: 3 points

Lunch: soup: 2 points
naked pita bread: 1 point

Afternoon snack: oatmeal: 3 points
snack cake: 1 point

Dinner: chicken nuggets: 6 points

TOTAL: 20 points on the nose.

Black Friday

It was an accident. I didn't mean to. It was not in my plans. But I went shopping this morning.

Just to Target. Oh, and Hobby Lobby. I needed detergent and coffee, and I thought shopping in the grocery half of our new Super Target would keep me away from the crowds and sales. I was wrong. I caved. I went over there. And I actually got a couple of good deals: fleece for my cousin's three kids, a coffee pot for Daddy and his wife (they recently moved after a house fire gutted the garage and kitchen of their old place) and some oh-so-cute wrapping paper. It wasn't planned, but it happened anyway...

Unrelated: Other than an extra piece of pie yesterday, I stuck to my plan. And even though I shouldn't have (man, I'm breaking all the rules today), I stepped on the scale, just to get a feel of how it went. Fine. I even had a little loss when compared to stepping up there a couple of days ago. I don't know if I will get to "officially" weigh in this weekend, but at least I'm not wrestling with any turkey-flavored guilt today. It was a nice Thanksgiving. My in-laws are always great hosts, and the Cowboys won.

Walk It Out

Time to put the pedometer back on...

Pedometer users walk farther, get healthier, researchers say

People who set daily walking goals for themselves and clip on a pedometer to count the number of steps they take go farther in life than those who don't -- a whole mile farther, in fact.

New research from Stanford Medical School shows that people who use a pedometer walk about 2,000 steps -- or 1 mile -- more every day than those who don't, and along the way they lose a little weight and lower their blood pressure.

Tuesday Before Turkey

I am not mentally prepared for a Thanksgiving meal. For some reason, I have this self-defeating "eat and have fun now, you can get in gear again after the New Year" thinking going on. So wrong. So negative. So damaging.

I'm trying to reverse that thinking and get into a healthier state of mind before we sit at that Thanksgiving table. And I'm already promising myself this: I will not fill my plate with beige food like stuffing, dressing and mashed potatoes. I will instead opt for colorful foods like fresh cranberries, green beans and sweet potatoes (scraping the marshmallows off the top), and I will not let my foods touch on my plate. It's all about portions and making the healthiest choices from what is laid out before us. I will drink plenty of water. I will take extra walks with the dogs. I will get my hair cut Saturday and know that I look and feel better than I have in ages. And all those things will give me the boost I need to get out of this frame of mind. It will. Really.

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: banana: 2 points
plain English muffin: 1 point
(one of those Thomas brand 100-calorie muffins)

Lunch: chicken and pasta: 7 points
5 saltines: 1 points

Afternoon snack: trifle: 5 points

Dinner: pork chops: 4 points
apple: 1 point
Parmesan slices: 1 point
snack cake: 1 point

TOTAL: 28 points. Not good, but I can't ignore the numbers.

Monday

Stepped on the scale Saturday morning to a two-pound gain. Two pounds. I don't think I've gained that much, so I'm going with the weight of the wrap sitting in my tummy from the night before and being a girl.

In our meeting Saturday, Pam talked about the three choices that we have for getting through the holidays: Maintaining the point where we are now and simply getting through the next six weeks, continuing to lose through the next six weeks, or forgetting how to count points and starting over with the new year. No thanks to that last option. I plan to continue to count points, but I know temptation will win at times. As it did the last two days... That damn Paula Deen.

I wish I could be a bigger person and put down the number of points I've eaten today, but I just can't face it. But, tomorrow is another day...

Go to HEB and Go Green

Today only (as far as I know) the HEBs in Austin (not sure if other Texas locations are participating) are giving away reusable grocery bags when you bring five plastic bags in for trade. Limit two per person if you have 10 plastic bags to recycle.

If the bags they're giving away today are the same ones that I have, the quality and size are superb. Two take care of my grocery runs with no problem at all.

Today only between 10 a.m. and 7 p.m. Go!!!

Steaming Made Easy

Have you seen the new steamer bags from Ziploc??? (No money or bags have exchanged hands in the writing of this post, by the way.) I used them for the first time this week and I'm trying to figure out what to use them on next.

I had never cooked fish for myself. Ever. Well, maybe in college when throwing some frozen yellow sticks in the oven qualified as "cooking fish." And this weekend I was wanting something healthy, so I decided a nice mild white fish would be the way to go. Cole doesn't eat fish, so he got a grilled NY strip instead.

Anyway, back to the fish. I chose a beautiful fillet of halibut from Central Market. The friendly guy at the fish counter suggested a tomato/basil/chipotle spice packet as a rub. A little extra virgin olive oil, 3.5 minutes in the microwave and dinner was done. The roasted vegetables took more time and work than the fish itself. Maybe next I'll try some fresh Brussels sprouts in one of the bags. Cole will be so excited.

My points for the day. Nothing steamed...

Breakfast: oatmeal: 2 points

Mid-morning snack: banana 2 points

Lunch: Smart Ones quesadilla: 4 points
chips and salsa: 2 points
snack cake: 1 point

Mid-afternoon snack: grapes: 1 point

Dinner: pork chop: 6 points
applesauce: 3 points

TOTAL: 21 points. I'll take it.

Back in the Saddle

I remember my first week on Jenny Craig years and years ago. I stepped on the scale after eating their prepackaged food for my first full week, and I had lost five points. Five.

When I first joined Weight Watchers almost two years ago, my first week counting points led to a 3.6 pound weight loss. And when I rejoined in April this time around, my first week's loss was 3.2 pounds.

So in trying to turn my "bad" week last week into something good, I'm trying to tell my mind to tell my body that we're simply starting fresh. After eating the way I did for the last several days, I'm hoping that by doing so well today (and for the rest of the week) my body will think we're on week one again. So maybe I'll see a significant loss come Saturday morning. And to tell you the truth, I already feel better, so loss or no loss, I know I'm fueling my body better already.

Isn't amazing to me sometimes how getting healthy and eating right has nothing to do with food and everything to do with simply the way we think...

My day in points:

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: banana: 2 points

Lunch: soup: 2 points
grapes: 1 point

Afternoon snack: peanut butter and saltines: 5 points

Dinner: fajitas: 6 points
(lettuce wraps, no tortillas)
chips: 2 points

TOTAL: 21 points. Not too bad for getting back into the swing of things.

Ready for Monday

Monday will mean being back into my regular routine again. For work. For life. For food. I hate to admit it, but the last four days have consisted of Taco Cabana, Whataburger, Nuevo Leon, "The Der", Tin Star and Amy's. I have not been a shining example of healthy living by any stretch of the imagination. And I feel it.

But I did learn this: The changes I've made -- as far as healthy eating goes -- over the last six or so months have really made a difference. There is nothing like eating crap for a couple of days (not that any of those places are crap, just that they weren't the best choices for fueling my body on a daily basis) to make me realize that my body does better when I eat healthy. After days of eating all of the burgers and tortillas and ice cream and corn dogs, my tummy made the craziest noises. I was tired. I was bloated. I longed for fresh fruit.

Monday will bring a fresh start with a healthier menu. Monday will mean letting go of the guilt that comes with cupcakes. Monday will be a new beginning.

How Can It Be Friday???

This week has just flown by. Having Stacey here has meant lots of running around and eating on the go. Plus, I had to do some very deliberate and scientific research on cupcakes. BUT, we did get a little more than three miles of walking/ jogging/walking with Thunder on the Hike and Bike Trail in yesterday. That probably burned off a quarter of the cupcake.

This evening we have tickets to see Tuna Does Vegas at the Paramount Theatre. The Tuna shows are fabulous, and if you live in Texas, you know these people!!! hehe

I'm not really excited about weighing in tomorrow morning, but we'll see how it goes.

Tuesday Food Journal

Nothing to see here this evening. Just me trackin' points. So sorry to disappoint... hehe

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Lunch: tomato, basil, turkey wrap: 5 points
snack cakes: 1 point

Afternoon snack: saltines and peanut butter: 5 points

Dinner: taco: 4 points
cheese enchilada: 5 points
chips and salsa: 2 points

TOTAL: 25 points.

Random Monday Thoughts

An update on the scale: 0.8 down when I weighed in Saturday morning. That puts me 0.8 pounds away from reaching the 10 percent mark since starting with Weight Watchers and 6.8 pounds away from my goal. I really hope to do that by Christmas. Can I just tell you, reaching that goal weight will mean that will be down 26 percent of my all-time high?!?! That just floors me...

We ate horribly this weekend. Working on the house, painting, cleaning, running errands. Hopefully we'll be moved back into the office this evening and out of the hallway, and I can start cooking and eating better (and not on the run) tomorrow.

It makes me nervous when people cough in public without covering their mouths.

I miss French fries.

Who Are We to Judge???

I don't know what made me think of this today. Maybe it's because I'm getting ready to weigh in tomorrow, so today I'm really trying to watch what I eat, drinking plenty of water, and thinking about the scale, what Pam will have to say and sitting through the meeting.

I normally enjoy the meetings. (Little Miss DVD hasn't been there in weeks.) I take something away from each one. Maybe I decide to try a veggie I've never had. Maybe I realize I'm not getting enough calcium. Perhaps one of these days I'll hear about some sort of activity that I just have to dive into. More than anything, I realize that I'm not going through this struggle alone.

But last weekend, I left the meeting with "pffft" in my mind. You know, the puff-of-air sound your lips make when your brain is saying "whatever." I would guess there was even an eyeroll that came along with it. Though I can't be sure. The "pffft" came from the row behind me.

As you may or may not know, there is a little time for celebration at the end of each Weight Watchers meeting. Every five pounds lost, we celebrate. Major numbers like 25, 50, 75, we celebrate. When someone reaches 10 percent of their joining weight, we celebrate. And when someone reaches their personal goal, you guessed it, we celebrate and acknowledge their success. Well, last week, a woman I had never talked to or even seen before reached her goal. She looked great. I was jealous for half a second that I hadn't reached my goal. Yet.

And then she said the number out loud. She didn't lose 100 pounds or even 50 to reach her goal. She lost 15 pounds. I think that's quite an accomplishment. But that's when the "pffft" came from the row behind me. As if the lady behind me didn't think that 15 pounds was worthy of celebration. I wonder if anyone else heard her...

For all we know, this 15-pound loss with Weight Watchers could have been after losing 75 on another program. Perhaps she lost 50 pounds on her own, with healthy eating and exercise, and she just needed some structure for those last 15. Perhaps she let 15 pounds sneak up on her and wanted to lose it before it got to 25 pounds or beyond.

My point??? We don't know the history of her weight-loss struggles or fears or victories. We don't know that about each other when we sit down in that room. But still, some of us feel the right to judge. Whether we have 20 or 200 pounds to lose, each of us is sitting in that room for the same reason: to lose weight and get healthy. Her goal number doesn't matter to me. Yours doesn't matter to me. Mine shouldn't matter to you. What should matter is providing support to each other along the way, learning from each other, getting healthy and celebrating victories together. Who are we to judge...

My day in points (Admittedly, not my best week ever. We'll see how it goes in the morning.)

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: banana: 2 points

Lunch: Smart Ones spaghetti: 6 points
10 saltines: 2 points
snack cakes: 1 point

Afternoon snack: grapes: 1 point
banana: 2 points

Dinner: sandwich: 7 points

TOTAL: 24 points. Thank goodness the candy is out of the house it that would have been even worse.

Good Neighbors

Thought for the day: It's hard to watch what I eat when the sweet, grandmotherly neighbor hands me made-from-scratch coconut bars over the back fence.

Breakfast: oatmeal: 3 points

Mid-morning snack: apple parfait: 2 points

Lunch: tuna kit: 5 points
carrots: 0 points

Afternoon snack: snack cakes: 2 points
grapes: 1 point
coconut bar: 4 points (2x2" square, so that's a guess)

Dinner: chicken ranch cup: 5 points

TOTAL: 22 points